Stop Lying To Yourself Motivation

TRANSCRIPT

Two years ago, My husband and I redid our kitchen. So we got some it was like a 1993 kitchen mint green. We said it's time for it to go. So we've got some people from local community to come out and do some quotes. They measured up, they emailed us the quote. It was all great. Then we saw that there was a kitchen company, like more of a national kind of brand that had a discount going for 50 percent off cabinets for a limited time.

So we said, let's go just check it out, see what they say. So Sam, my husband, goes into the showroom and the sales guy there says, Oh yeah, just call and they'll make an appointment. Here, have one of these vouchers. They're 50 percent off, you know, has the number you can call. Opens up a cupboard and there's thousands of these vouchers, right?

Reams of them. So he hands us one, we make the appointment, and these two guys show up at our door at 4. 30, one weekday. They're tall, probably late 20s, they're wearing business pants and business shirts, and they've got their laptops, and I'm like, Okay. These guys are not tradies. They do not get on the tools, but they're here to do the quotes.

So we chat to them for a bit. We tell them what we want. Half an hour later, we're like, great. You've got the idea. Looking forward to the quote. And they said, actually, we've got our laptops. We can just draw a 3D drawing for you so that you'll see exactly what your kitchen is going to look like. So we said, Oh, okay.

I couldn't really say no. So they sat down at our kitchen table, set up all their laptops and everything. And We don't have a massive house. Like, if you're sitting at the kitchen table, you're sitting in the middle of the house. There's nowhere for anyone to go that where we can't all see each other.

So I went and helped kids with the homework. Everyone's doing their own thing. It's totally quiet in our house with now seven people in it, all just quietly doing their own thing. Half an hour passes, then an hour passes, then an hour and a half passes. Two hours later, it's seven o'clock. They've been there since four 30.

And. The kids should be getting ready for bed. We've done nothing because I felt so awkward. I'm like, do I go into the kitchen and then I'm making dinner and we're just all going, yeah, I'm a great dinner. And they're sitting there and I'm not feeding them. But if I feed them, I'm weirdly crossing this border into like, come into my family.

It was really weird. So I did nothing. Eventually I said to the kids, have some cereal quietly and go get yourselves off to bed. It was all just so uncomfortable. Finally, at eight o'clock, so they'd been at our house for three and a half hours, they said, we're all done. And we're like, thank goodness, because we were starving, we were done, we wanted to be finished.

So we sat down with them, they showed us this 3D thing, we're like, that's pretty much what we expected. Thanks. Like, it looked a lot like what I had done on the IKEA website in about 25 minutes. But anyway, we were very appreciative. And so then he says, okay, now I've just got to work out. the quote, like the actual cost.

And we're like, we haven't even, we're not even up to that yet. So he takes a few minutes to do that. And then he says, do you have the voucher? We're like, oh, okay. So we're scrambling around to find this random piece of paper that says 50 percent off cabinets, give it to him. And he takes it from us. With just like this delicate touch and he's looking at it like it's some ancient artifact and he's going I can't believe you got one of these.

You are so lucky. Do you know how rare these are? And we're going Reams! There were thousands of them in this cupboard. So we're kind of, we didn't say anything because we're too polite We're going okay, and so then do more more more they get the quote up and it's The quote is already, even with the discount, more than what our local trades had said.

So we knew without communicating that we weren't probably going to say yes to these people, unless they had some amazing reason. So we said to them, thanks so much. It's now 8 30. You've been in four hours. We didn't say that, but we were like, okay, it's time to go. So we said, we'll let you know tomorrow. We need to talk about it.

And the guy says, Actually, this price with the 50 percent off is only available right now. So you have to sign up and pay a deposit right now to get this discount. And we said, well, we're not, we can't do that. We need to talk about it. We need to figure this out. So why don't we just call you tomorrow? And he's going, no, I can't.

I, I, I, I cannot let this price go till tomorrow. It's, it's written, it's literally written on the voucher and it literally was, it said this is only valid at the time of quotation. So then Sam said, well, human to human, can we not just say that this price can somehow, by defying the laws of nature, make it past midnight and we'll call you very early tomorrow morning?

And the guy's going, Oh, I can't, I'm not authorised. So then Sam, Oh, I'm dying in my chair at this point. I am just sinking. I'm so uncomfortable. Sam goes, Well, why don't you call someone who's authorized and see if we can get the quote till tomorrow. And so then this parody of a phone call ensues where the guy picks up his phone.

You can tell he does not want to make this phone call. We are forcing him to, we are eyeballing him. So he calls his manager and you can just tell it's all a pretense on, on all sides. He's talking and saying, I'm sorry to call you so late. I've got these great customers. They're so cool. You'd absolutely love them.

They want to know if they can get the quote till tomorrow. Oh. Yeah, no, no, I told them that, yeah. Oh man, thanks, yeah, thanks for trying. I really appreciate all the effort. As if, like, his manager's on the other end, calling in his best guys, and they're all on their computers in their sweat. I can't do it, man.

I can't get this prize to last till tomorrow. So then eventually, we said, well then we're out, we're not, we can't sign, we now just have to say no to you, like we can't. And it was awful and uncomfortable. So then they pack their stuff up and we awkwardly small talk while they take 10 minutes to get out the door.

And I remember closing the door after them, looking at Sam and going, that was awful. And I feel sick, like something felt so heavy. It was nine o'clock. They had been at our house for four and a half hours. And I just felt heavy and awful. Yeah. So then the next day, because this just was the weirdest experience we'd ever had, Sam gets on the internet and he starts looking some stuff up and he finds out through some different forums and things that this is a very common strategy that this company uses, and I'm sure they're not alone in doing it.

So they deliberately come to your house. They spend a ridiculous amount of time there. So that by the time it comes to the actual, like getting you to sign on the dotted line, you feel you owe them because they have invested so much time into you. And if you say no. You've wasted their time. What a terrible person you are.

That's why I felt bad. We had wasted almost five hours of their lives. That's what made me feel awful at the end. The other thing they do is they do the scarcity. Oh, only one in six million Aussies gets this voucher. So they make you think, oh, this is once, I'm so special. Once in a lifetime. And then they do the time pressure.

If you don't sign up right now, this disappears. You'll never get it again. And oh, now your kitchen's going to cost you five or six or seven grand more. There's all these dodgy sales tactics that this particular company was using. And if you work for this company, I'm really sorry, but you know what they're doing.

You know it, you know it. So I was going to ask you if you can tell me, I'm going to step up here for a second. If you can tell me some other We're just going to be very stereotypical here. If you work in these professions, we may not be talking about you, but you might know that there's a stereotypically dodgy salesperson like industries.

Okay. So what do you think would be an example of a dodgy salesperson? Classic. Yell it out. Car. Yes. 100%. It used to be used car salespeople, but We had to buy a brand new car for work, like for a business car a few years ago, and it was just as dodgy. It doesn't matter if it's used or new anymore. All right, any more?

Retail. Oh, retail. Yes. No one does it. No, yeah, that's right. Yes, I know, that's good. I like that. Okay, yep, more? Girl Scout Cookies. Girl Scout Cookies. Time Share. Oh, Time Share. Oh, yes, Time Share. Oh, haven't we all got sucked into that? They work for some people. Yep, more? Real estate. Okay, again, we know brilliant real estate agents.

I have met some real phonies. Okay, any more? What about telemarketers? Yep. Call me to sell me tickets to charity, don't call me to get a new phone plan every day. Telemarketers. What about What about the people, this is so terrible, the people in the shopping centres, who have those little pop up stalls in the middle?

Yeah, they used to, and again, I'm so sorry if you work there, it must be the worst job. They used to just go, would you like some HelloFresh? Now they go, oh I love your shoes, where did you get those from? And you have to either engage in a conversation, like be nice and engage for 15 minutes, or you have to go, I'm sorry, I have to go, and you feel so rude, it's so much pressure.

Alright, I think that's good, that's a good list. Alright, so. I've already mentioned a whole bunch of them. Let's write it down. What are some of the tactics that these people use? What will a salesperson do to get you over the line to buy their product or service? What's one thing? Oh, ego. Time pressure. Oh, FOMO.

That's good. FOMO. Will they always tell the truth? No, they are gonna lie. Okay. They're gonna persuade. Ooh, my writing's getting worse as I go down the board. Right. Ego, time pressure, FOMO, lie, persuade. Any others?

I'll say guilt as well. Sometimes they guilt you. Actually, you know one time, I was like seven or eight months pregnant, and I had to go to a an appointment, and I had to walk through a shopping center to get to this GP's office, and I was really, I was running so late, and I'm like speed waddling as fast as I could to get to this appointment, and one of those people who sells tickets to like a children's charity, tried to grab my attention.

I was like, I'm so sorry, I've got to go, I'm so late. And he turns around after me and he goes, Oh, so you want to see children die? Oh, I'm not pregnant. Oh, it was so horrible. He must have been having a really bad day. Alright, that's good. So, we've got our list of some, some of the places where we might find dodgy people, some of the things they do.

And that's a great list, but I'm looking at it and I'm realising that actually we forgot one. In fact, we forgot one of the main ones. One of the most dodgy salespeople around. And it is, drumroll please. Phil. And it's Anne. And it's Kirsten. And it's Oh, Cody's put his hand up, he knows it. And it's you, and it's you, and it's you.

It's all of you! And it's me, and it's the collective we. We are our worst and dodgiest salesperson. We will sell ourselves on terrible ideas. We will do a massive sales pitch to create a cover up story. And what we call that, in human terms, is Oh, can you see the screen? Oh, I said I wouldn't use green. It's alright.

It's alright. There you go, I'll get myself out of the way. Excuses! That's how we package it up. And we use these excuses to make ourselves feel better about bad decisions that we made. Or justify poor behaviours from things that we've done. Or to let ourselves off the hook for something that, you know, we just don't really want to think about or we don't want to face anymore.

So, an excuse is really just the way that we lie to ourselves. We're your dodgy salespeople. And an excuse is different to a reason, I just want to clarify. So if I said I bought 200 shoes because I'm a bridesmaid, and even though I couldn't really afford them, that is what the whole bridal party was wearing.

So I had to buy these 200 shoes. If I said, I bought 200 shoes even though I couldn't afford them because I'm a bridesmaid, That's an excuse. Because I didn't have to buy 200 shoes, I wanted to buy them, and I'm using that as an excuse to buy something I can't afford. See the difference between a reason?

Reason is fact, excuse is a lie that we use to cover up something else. Okay. So, in this series, you'll be glad you did we've been doing this for about five weeks, this is the last day. We've just been talking about very unoriginal advice, we've heard it all before. But it's the kind of stuff that if we apply it, then we can save ourselves some, some pain, pain for other people, and you'll be glad you did.

It's like a friendly advice column. So, today, if I was to sum up the friendly advice, I could do it in four words, and it would be, stop lying to yourself. Or, we could say, be honest with yourself. Stop lying to yourself, be honest with yourself. I think we could all agree that's pretty good advice. Yeah?

Alright. Alright. Well, I've got 15 minutes left, so I'll keep talking. Alright, so usually when we lie to someone else, we do it to protect our self image. We don't want people to think badly of us. So if you, feel that you project an image of someone who is healthy, then maybe you don't want to know that you people to know that you binge eat chocolate every weekend or that your finances aren't great or that your job's not going great, or your marriage isn't going great.

You, if I'm talking to just the Christians in the room you might not want people to know that you haven't cracked open your Bible for six months because you want an image of, Oh no, I am a spiritual Christian, right? So that's the way that we protect our self image. That's why we lie to other people.

Okay. And even if people, like sometimes we can lie to people and they believe it, sometimes they don't, but even if they don't, even if they do believe it, even if you do manage to lie to someone and, and they believe it, we still damage the relationship. There's no longer honesty flowing from person to person.

There's like a wall now in between you, you're not being fully yourself with them anymore. And you're always aware of that, even if they're not right. When you lie to yourself. Weirdly, you still damage your relationship with yourself. Because deep down, you know the truth, but you are believing the lie, and these two parts of you will be at war.

There will be dissonance, and you will feel it. You will feel it like an unsettled feeling inside you. You know the truth, but you believe the lie, and that will always be at war with itself. So, I asked my local online community, and they said, Hey, what ways do you lie to yourselves? So I thought I would read some of them out to you because they're pretty good.

So some of them are more, I guess you would say lighthearted than others, but they all come back to something at the root of them, but I've separated them into lighthearted, moderate, heavy. Okay. Either way, they're all forms of lying to ourselves. So there's, there's some of them, these are the lighthearted ones.

It's okay to have a piece of carrot cake with my coffee because it contains fruits and vegetables. Another one would be, I can eat chocolate, it's a plant. Okay. When on a diet, broken biscuits don't count. Wine is technically fruit, and so is gin. I don't know, they're all food related, I don't know why. I don't have enough time to exercise, but I do have enough time to watch a lot of TV.

I'm gaining weight, because I'm just getting older. Not because of the food I'm eating or the fact that I haven't gotten off the couch in six months. Alright, and then there's some bigger lies. Again, it's still the same sales pitch, I've just separated them out a little bit. I tell myself, tomorrow I'll start my healthy eating plan.

But deep down, I know tomorrow isn't really tomorrow and then tomorrow never comes. Everything will be better once I finish this one work project. Yes, I totally agree. I think that's it. And then five years later, you're still overworked, stressed, nothing has ever changed, right? Okay, that's good. I'm glad you resonated with that one.

My drinking is under control. By buying vegetables, I am the healthy person I want to be. Even though I never eat them. I love that. As long as it's in my fridge, it's kind of in my body. That's so good. I never steal anything, but I desperately needed a jacket for a job interview and that made it okay.

justifying poor behaviors. Oh, now I've got a job. Hopefully they went back and paid for it. Okay. Sometimes a big lie that you've sold yourself on means that you're hiding a really big part of yourself or covering up some really big part of your identity. So if I said to you, why haven't you started that business that you've always wanted to start?

Why haven't you started that project, that thing that you're really passionate about? Why haven't you started that course that will get you into the job that you really want? Why haven't you spoken your mind at work? Why haven't you told anyone that big idea that you've got? And I guarantee most of us would say, well I don't have time to do that thing, or it's just not the right time right now, or you don't understand the situation, only I get it.

But I would also guarantee that that is an awesome sales pitch that we've sold ourselves, that that is actually a lie that we are choosing to believe. Your inner salesperson is selling you a lie To protect you. And that is why we lie to ourselves. Because it doesn't seem insane that we can even lie to ourselves at all.

You are the only person on the whole planet who knows what you are thinking and feeling. So how can you then be capable of lying to yourself when you know the truth? You're the only one who does. Well that's because we use it for self protection. It's to protect ourselves from something that, deep down, we're scared of feeling.

It's a little painful. So it could be something like, at the bottom of it, there might be guilt, shame or regret for something that we've done. It could be embarrassment, which is a horrible thing to have to come face to face with. Anger. It could be fear. No one wants to see the reality of their finances or the state of their marriage.

We don't want to touch that. Well, this is a really huge one. For some people, it could be self loathing, because maybe if you're going around the same cycle of self destructive behaviour, self sabotage, procrastination, there's all sorts of reasons and none of them are good, right? That's why we do it, for self protection.

So we lie to ourselves to feel better about ourselves. Because humans, this is just human nature, we will do anything to avoid pain. Anything to get away from that painful feeling, and that includes covering up the truth with something that's less painful. Like cat litter. So just imagine we have a cat, we have a cat litter box, right?

Litter box. And in the litter box is the cat litter. So it'll be either pellets or it'll be sand or something like that. So the cat, well, and actually in our house, we use wood pellets. They smell like sawdust. It's so nice. It reminds me of my grandpa's like workshop. It's really pleasant. So the cat goes to the litter box and it does its business.

And what's left behind is poo. Am I allowed to say that? Poo. There's poo there. And no, no one, no one wants to see it. No one wants to smell it. No one wants to deal with it. What does the cat do? It covers it over. And now, yay, our house smells like fresh wood shavings and it's pine and it's beautiful and we can't see it anymore.

We do the same thing to ourselves. We go into dodgy sales mode, we sell ourselves a lie, and it's so much better to believe that lie than it is to face the truth. It's just, oh, that's better. Now I'm off the hook. Now I can sleep at night. Now I don't have to take responsibility. Now I don't have to do something that's going to be really uncomfortable.

So that's the why. That's why we are capable of lying to ourselves when it should be impossible. Now let's talk about how. How do we Dig, this is gross, dig into the litter and find the truth underneath. How do we do that? If you have been in any of the like entrepreneurial or personal development type spaces, you'll have heard of a guy named Simon Sinek.

And he talks about, I don't know if he invented this or just made it famous, the five whys. Which means that you start with the surface level, whatever is first out of your mouth, you start there and then you keep asking why until you get to the bottom, what's really underneath. So I'm going to give you some examples, can you help me bring this up please?

If you've been wondering what's in the mystery box, You're about to find out. Can we move it forward a little bit? Okay. Actually, I'll move it here. So, I'm going to give you some actual examples. Oh, sorry, these are made up. But I'm going to demonstrate it for you. So, if we say this is our top level lie.

So, just say I have 10, 000 on my credit card. I'm in debt. And I go out and I buy a 5, 000, brand new, 187 inch OLED TV, or whatever is cool and fancy. And I might, on the surface level, justify that by saying, Well, you know, our old TV was pretty small, and this way we'll just never go to the movies. We'll actually save money in the long run, and we'll invite the neighbours over, and we'll talk to them about Jesus, and they'll become Christians.

It'll be an evangelical tool, right? So we justify it. Putting this extra debt onto our We're gonna buy them off the tape. Yeah, we're gonna put this extra debt onto our credit card. So that's what I would say, that's, that's why I've bought that TV, even though it makes no sense, that is why, that's the reason.

Okay, but why did you buy the TV? Well, it's a fun family purchase and I just felt like everybody needed just a bit of a pick me up. Okay, but why did you buy the TV? Well, because sometimes, I don't know, I don't feel very good and I just felt like buying this would make me feel better. Okay, so why did you buy the TV?

Well, I know that we're in a lot of debt, but when I bought this, I forgot about the debt for a little while. Okay, so, but why? Why? Because I'm desperate about our debt and I don't know what to do and I'm so scared and I know it's my fault. And there it is. At the bottom of all of that, there is someone who is so scared and frightened of the debt that they are choosing to ignore it by living as if they don't have it.

Because the fear of the financial debt is so extreme. Right? I'll give you another one. Okay. I haven't talked to my dad for a year. This is an example. I have talked to my dad for a year. Let's just say, I haven't talked to my dad for a year. Okay. So I would say, Oh, I just haven't talked to my dad for a year.

Okay. Why haven't you talked to your dad for a year? Well, I'm just so busy. My life is cray cray. All right. Why haven't you talked to your dad for a year? You know, I just can't prioritize him over the immediate things in my life. My kids my work, my marriage. Okay, why haven't you talked to your dad for a year?

Because, you know, what he did was pretty hurtful. He hurt me when he did this thing. Okay, so why haven't you talked to your dad for a year? Because I'm not ready to forgive him, and I don't think he deserves it. That's why you haven't called your dad for a year. Not, I mean, it's so much easier to say to ourselves.

Oh, I just don't have time. But really we're avoiding something that's really painful, and that is having to forgive someone that you're still angry with. No one wants to go face to face with that. Much easier to let ourselves off the hook and not deal with it. So we lie to ourselves. Okay, does that make any sense?

Do you want one more? Okay, I'll give you one more. This is actually one of mine. I thought I'd give you one that is like, you know, a real one. This is one I did something very similar with to figure this out for myself. And I'm, I'm pretty, I'm okay with this now. I'm still working on it guys, but all right.

So if you said to me, Oh Pauline, why don't you like vulnerably share your emotions? And I would say, like, Well, I just like to hear what other people have to say, and I want to be able to help them and listen to them, because I'm so altruistic and nice. Okay, so Pauline, why don't you share your vulnerable feelings?

Well, you know, I'm just a really private person. I'm an introvert, okay, leave me alone. I'm an introvert. Pauline, why don't you share your vulnerable feelings? Well, because I guess I just don't know how the other person's going to respond. What are they going to say? Pauline, why don't you share your vulnerable feelings?

Because I guess growing up in my family, if you shared something vulnerable, you got laughed at. So Pauline, why don't you share your vulnerable feelings? Because I'm scared to death of being humiliated for doing it. And that's the poo. Right there. That's the poo. So I am dealing with that. I'm fine. Please don't feel sorry for me.

But this is what I'm saying. This is how you get to that. So I could go my whole life, never being very honest with people, including my own husband. because I kept saying, Oh, I'm just private. I'm an introvert. Oh, it's fine. But really it's that I'm scared. I'm scared that you're going to laugh at me if I say something like, I love you or whatever.

Cause we didn't say that in my family growing up. So be honest with yourself. It's terrifying. It can be shaming. It can be full of guilt. You might have to come face to face with something that you don't like about yourself or your behavior. But I think what we've got to remember is that in this, It's just you and you at this point.

You don't have to say anything else to anyone. You don't have to do anything about it. All we're asking at this stage is just, can you get to what's really going on and just sit in that? Just be okay with that discomfort. And then, when you are ready, you can do something about it. You can go and talk to someone, or you can journal it, or you can pray about it, or you can see a counsellor, or you can make an appointment with a professional who can help you.

You can do a course like Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, which we do here at The Junction. There's a reason, very specifically, that this little fella has a smile on his face. And that's because even though he stinks, he's really happy that you found him. Because only when you find him can we move through this.

Because this is the thing. If we don't figure it out, this lie becomes our ceiling. We can't grow past this. We can't grow out of it. You can't have good relationship with people or yourself while we are stuck underneath this lie. Right? Okay. So the thing that we're avoiding, the choices we're making, the thoughts we're thinking, we can't move through those and into something better.

And you won't be able to have those really deep relationships with people because you will start to become, like, emotionally isolated. Because you're not even aware yourself of what's going on. How can you have a deepness of relationship with people when you yourself are stuck under here? Okay? And if we're doing that, If we're not being honest with ourselves and we're not being honest with other people, then we're most likely not being honest with God.

If we're not being honest with God, then, and if we're lying to ourselves, like, I'm gonna guess that our prayers are not gonna look like us going, Oh God, this is so hard. I don't know what to do. I need help with this. This is an awful feeling. How do I forgive this person? We're not going there and asking God for help.

We're sitting there and going, Oh God, thank you for my house and my family and my car. I am so blessed. Because this is the ceiling. We can't pray higher than this with God. We can't be honest with God if we're not being honest with ourselves. And he's probably sitting there going, Oh, come on. I'm ready to help you with this.

You just have to figure it out for yourself because God already knows all of it. He already knows it. He knows you through and through. I said, you are the only person on the planet who knows how you're thinking and feeling. The only other entity that knows is God. He knows you better than you know yourself.

And you can't be fully you, and you can't be fully you with God, if we're hiding behind a lie. There's a really great example of this in one of the a letter that was written to, oh no, sorry, this is something different. There's a story in the New Testament of Jesus meeting a woman at the, at the well.

Lots of us have heard this story lots of times. So Jesus is talking to this woman and he says to her, go find your husband. And the woman says, I have no husband. And Jesus says, no, you don't because you've had five. And the man that you're currently with is not your husband. Oh, he knows. He already knew.

She didn't say anything. Maybe she's lying to herself. Maybe she's trying to lie to him. I don't know. But he already knew everything that had gone on in her life. And he didn't then judge her and say, Thou hast falsely spoken or anything like that. He just continued to talk to her. He told her how to get the living water, which was him.

And he just loved her. That's the way God is with us. He knows it all. And if you go to him and say, God, I'm, I've done this thing. I know that I stuffed this up. He's not gonna go, well, here's your punishment. Step right up. He's gonna go, great. Let's figure this out because I don't want you to be stuck here and under here.

That's how can you be, how can you be fully you if we're continuing to hide under these lies? All right. Can I ask the band to come up please? And you guys can pop that away now. So there is a, scripture in a letter that was written to the church of Philippi in Europe. It was written by a guy named Paul in about AD 60.

And in this scripture, he talks about the peace of God. And he says the peace of God, which passes all understanding. So it's greater than any human capacity to understand this peace of God. It transcends all what is it? So passes all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

And then he goes on to say straight after that, he says, Brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honourable, Whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Whatever is true, whatever is honourable, we don't use the word honourable very much, do we?

Whatever is just, think about these things. So we have to be true and truthful to ourselves. We have to treat ourselves and our experiences and who we are, With honor, hiding it away as if it didn't exist, but bringing it out into the light, lies, lose their power in the light, right? Don't be a dodgy salesman, be just and fair to yourself, be willing to face the truth and to set yourself free.

And then you get the peace of God that passes human understanding. That's what happens when we're willing to go out of our little comfortable lie and dig up the truth, even though it hurts for a little while after that. is when we can move through it and we get the piece. And then we can do something about it and then we are set free from it.

But none of that can happen if we keep putting these lies over the top because it feels better in that moment. So I'm going to do something now. I'm going to read out a bunch of questions to you. Many of these will be completely irrelevant, but if one of them sparks something in you, tugs at your conscience.

Just, you might be, well, your brain at that point will be tempted to just give you the go to lie, the go to thing that you've placated yourself with. I would just say, maybe if one of these tugs your conscience, just let yourself maybe just ask why and why again. You can do it now. You can do it later during the week.

So I'm going to read these questions out and then I'm going to finish up and I'll pray and the team will sing just a chorus or something like that. Just to give you a minute, I just want to give you a few seconds. I know that sometimes it's good in the moment to just have a think, because I think again, we know when there's a little bit of a war between truth and lie in ourselves.

So I'm going to read these out. Remember that you don't have to do this. This is just friendly advice. You don't have to, but if you do, I'm pretty sure that you'll be glad you did. Alright, are you ready? Okay. Why are you avoiding that conversation? And I think that you'll know what that conversation is if that means something to you.

Why are you avoiding that conversation? Why are you avoiding that person? Why do you keep putting that off? It's just you and you thinking about this. Why do you keep putting that thing off? Why won't you get help? Why won't you make that appointment? Why won't you see a counsellor? I know it's expensive, takes up time, but why, really, won't you see a counsellor?

Or a professional who can help you? Why won't you go to the doctor? Especially if you know that something's not right. Why won't you go to the doctor? Why did you leave that church? Why do you continue to go out with that person? Maybe you know they're not good for you. Why did you get divorced? Really?

Honestly? Why are you taking that job? What's the real reason you don't call that family member? Your son or daughter, your mum, your dad, your brother, your sister? Have you been really honest about why there's been a breakdown in communication? What's the real reason they don't call you? Why won't you tell that person the truth about what's going on?

Not just so I don't want to hurt their feelings, but really, why? Why won't you tell someone the truth? Why did you start that fight? Really? Why won't you start that course? Why won't you finish that project, finally? Why won't you start that business? Why won't you start exercising? Why won't you change your lifestyle so you can get off medication?

Why can't you stop drinking? Why won't you set up a budget? What are you afraid of? Really?

What if as we're thinking through these things, just imagine if God, I don't know if he's doing this, but what if he's sitting on the edge of his seat going, Come on, you're so close. You're just, you're right there, just a little bit further and we'll be on the same page about this. You're right there. Just go a little deeper.

Just be honest with yourself. Bring it into the light because lies lose their power in the light.

So tell yourself the truth. You'll be so glad you did. Not initially. Initially it sucks and it hurts and it's hard. But eventually. You'll be so glad you did, because you will get that peace of God that surpasses all understanding. And, you'll be at peace with yourself.

Alright, I'm going to pray, and the team's going to just sing a little bit of this song for us to just have a minute to sit and think. Alright. God, thank You so much that You know us through and through. That You come by our side and help us through things. That you are right here with us, waiting for us to be ready.

And I pray for everyone in this room, listening online that you would speak to us about those areas where we need to just dig in a little more and find the real why. Tell ourselves the truth and stop hiding who we are. Thank you, God, that you love us so fully and you recognize how human we are, that we make mistakes and that you help us with them.

So we just give it all to you, God. Thank you in your name. Amen. Thanks everyone.