How to Build Meaningful Friendships

TRANSCRIPT

So today we're going to have a look at a, uh, an old movie, uh, I want to talk about the whole concept of forging friendships. I'm, I hear it more and more today. People are struggling to make friendships, particularly after COVID. So what I thought we'd do at the start is I want to find out from you some things.

So take your phone out and we're gonna have a QR code up here, or it'll be online for you guys. And I want you to think about, uh, some of the meaningful friendships that you've had over the years and what qualities. May the, that relationship so meaningful or so impactful to you. So while you're doing that, I'll just let you know a bit about my history with friendships.

Not very good. I, all my best friends, growing up, got me in the most incredible amount of trouble. I was pretty naive, I didn't know, and they would get me doing stuff, and then everything would go wrong, and then they would disappear, and I'd be left the monkey, and I was getting in so much trouble. And so thinking back, I'm thinking, I don't know if my friendships were really that good.

really kind of all that great. So, um, is there anything work, is Slido working, not working? There's no QR code. It's not on there. Okay. If you can get, if you can get to the back of your seat, there's one on the back of the seat. This may not work. All right. Just yell out for now. Then don't worry about Slido.

What do you think of some qualities that make meaningful relationships? Don't you guys yell out online? I can't hear, but what do you think? Loyalty, patience, Trust. Quiet. Oh, quiet moment. Okay. All right. Yeah. Okay. So qualities, characteristics that make up these relationships. It's so, so important, but I wonder when you think back about your relationships, when you think back about them, what are yours like?

Do you, would you class them as kind of deeper, meaningful relationships? Or would you. Kind of made me think they're a little shallow, maybe not quite as they maybe like, like my relationships, they seem to be more one sided. So therefore, didn't really kind of work out. And I mean, really wanted you when they wanted you.

And then when you got in trouble, they all abandoned you. It's like, what's that's not a friendship at all. So. So what I wanted to do was talk about this whole forging of friendships, because the more I thought about it, I think there is one key ingredient that is essential. to forge great friendships. Now, Anne and I came down here, I don't know how long, 14, 15 years ago, whatever it is, and, uh, we came down here to take a church and to transition a church.

And anyway, we had this team, we called them the Spiritual Oversight Team, still do, and it's still the same team. Have you got a photo of those guys? We're having tech issues today, are we? There it is. So look at that photo. Man, what a good looking bunch. Now,

so we, we kind of came together and we were thrust into something, right? We were thrust into this thing, but apart from this one's here Everybody else had long standing relationships. We didn't have relationships. And God was asking us to go on a journey and do something. So it took a little while for, to be able to earn trust and to be able to, uh, build what was necessary to be able to move forward.

And a lot of young leaders must forget about this and think, Oh, I'm going to come in and I'm going to change everything. And they destroy people. You know, when you come into something new, it takes you a year or two. to establish that just to get to the point we can actually shift some things. So it took a while for, to knit our hearts together.

Now we don't live in each other's pockets because we each have families, we each have connections, we're all over the place. But over this last 14, 15 years, we have developed something in here that these people, I know they have my back. I have their back. I know if the chips are down, I'm in trouble. I know exactly where to go.

And I could say that about a bunch of others within the context of our community as well. So it started with just a bunch of people kind of thrust together around a plan and purpose. And if they were up here, they'd say the same thing as me. It's been one massive, huge adventure, adventure of uncertainty, of pain, Disagreement at times, tension, difficult relationships, difficult situations to navigate, along with a whole bunch of joy.

But it has been incredible and it has changed us. And then after it began to change us, it started to change a whole bunch of you as well. Because some of you went on that 10 year journey of allowing God to dismantle us, unhitch us from the old covenant and then rebuild us. And it was difficult and it was painful and it was like we didn't have a clue what we were doing but on that journey God did something in our hearts.

Took a bunch of nearly strangers and then enabled us to forge these deep kind of relationships that go beyond this life to last a lifetime. So the movie I want to just talk about for a few minutes is an old movie called Ice Age. And it's about a group of people that come together, and they're thrust together by a cataclysmic event that's taken place, the Ice Age.

And they're all about to die, and so therefore they're all responding differently in this circumstance, uh, because of just the way that they're wired and the things that's going on. So there's three main characters. Manny is the mammoth, he's one of the key characters. And he's an angry and he's a cynical guy.

And they've got the voice of Raymond Mone from Everyone Loves Raymond and that is perfect for this guy. Absolutely perfect. So he's angry, he's cynical, he's deliberately going the wrong way and no, he's going the wrong way in life. But it's because his mum and dad were actually killed by hunters when he was an infant.

For food. So, and he's never dealt with this. And so that's forming who he is. And so he's gone the wrong way in life. And then he comes across another character that is about to be eaten by some other species. So he saves this character and that's Sid, Sid Sloth. Sid Sloth. Yes. And now, now there's just no other way to say it.

Sid is the most annoying person in the world. He's so annoying. He's so annoying. You know what happens? Every time it comes around to migrate, the family gets up and leaves early and leaves him behind, so he's left behind. Every year they migrate, he doesn't understand it, but he's got no social cues. He doesn't understand boundaries.

He's just really, really annoying, but he desperately wants connection. And that makes him even more intense, which makes him more awkward. So, Sid's an interesting one, and then a bit later in the film, we come up with Diego. And of course, Diego, he's kind of top of the food chain. He's the saber toothed tiger.

Uh, he answers to no one. Uh, but his motives, he's got his own set of motives going on underneath the surface. Which kind of sums up nearly every social environment in the 21st century right now. Someone's always got their own motives going on. So the Ice Age, has brought this unusual group of people together.

Uh, they're shallow, it's superficial, they got a whole bunch of baggage and there's pretty much zero potential for growth. There's nothing, there's nothing good ever going to come out of this relationship until, until they stumble upon something, a crossroad, a divine moment.

Look at that.

She's okay.

She's gone. So now Sid and Manny have this child. Manny's response is so typical for where he's at in life. You know what he does? He just leaves the child by the side of the river and walks off. And Sid is like losing it. He's kind of losing it. He goes, Manny, you can't just leave this child. You just saved this child.

To which Manny's response is, I'm trying to get rid of the last thing I saved. Which was Sid.

See, he's got no problem. Hey, they took my parents. I had to figure it out. Figure it out. But Sid, of course, Sid just can't let it go because Sid knows what it's like to be left behind every year by your family. So Sid desperately wants to get this child back to his dad. So Sid decides, even when Manny's going the other direction, he's, Oh, I'll take the child.

I'll do it. I'll do it. And then Manny just looks at him and thinks, Oh, in the end Manny goes, you know what, I'll come with you. Because the reality is if you come, you ain't getting five minutes down the road and you're all dead. So Manny reluctantly goes on the journey. But at the same time, guess who shows up?

Diego! Because he's chased down the hill after the child and Diego shows up on the scene. And then of course he's saying, I'll help you get the child to the past, back to its father. But of course he has another agenda in the background. Um. He wants the child because he wants to get the pack wants to get even with the hunters But he also has another agenda in the background, which he doesn't say and that's the fact he's leading manny into a trap at the pass because Manny is down to be lunch.

So he's leading him up there for this thing. So this is a very interesting, weird group of people that are going on a journey, not much chance of growth. However, this weird herd, that's what they are. They're a weird herd. They've come together. They discover in the child, something that will transform them.

Something that will change them. Something that will force their relationships out of the shallows and into something deeper. Something that forges relationships. Something that will cause them to stop focusing on their selves and their wants and needs to be about the child. And the missing ingredient, of course, is mission.

They now had a mission. They had something to do. Something important to get done. And it's going to require all of their effort in this. And when you have a mission that you want to accomplish, all your secondary issues and all the stuff that you want to deal with suddenly gets pushed to the side because this takes greater priority.

So as the film continues on, they learn to trust each other. And by golly, do they annoy each other on the way. Sid is insufferable. Like he's just everywhere. He's just unbelievable. But in the middle of it, they learn how to listen to each other, learn to hear each other, discover each other's story. They learn to trust each other.

It's actually a really, really cool thing. And they learned that they come to the conclusion, it's going to take all of them if they're to get this child back to its father. And so that's the journey that they're on. And as it goes on a bit further, now they learn to care for one another. So things are shifting, learning to care for one, learning to risk for one another.

So let's have a look at the next scene that we'll just work our way through.

My feet are sweating. Do we have to get a newsflash every time your body does something? Doing it for attention, just ignore him. Seriously, my feet are really hot. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Tell me that was your stomach. Shhh. I'm sure it was your stomach. It's just thunder. From underground? Run!

Come on, keep up with me! I warned him you were moving!

Wow, I wish I could jump like that. Wish granted!

Come on, move faster! Have you noticed the river of lava? Hold pinky!

Manny, Manny, Manny, you okay? C'mon, c'mon, say something. Anything! And Oh my God. What? What? I can't hear you. You're standing on my trunk. Oh. Oh. You're okay. Are you okay? Why did you do that? You could have died trying to save me. That's what you do when I herd. You look out for each other. Well, thanks. I don't know about you guys, but we are the weirdest herd I've ever seen.

See, they've moved away from just listening and trusting. Now they've moved to actually really caring about each other. And they're willing to risk for each other. Man, he was willing to risk his life for Diego. He has no idea, no idea that Diego's planning to save him up at lunch shortly with the other saber toothed tigers.

What you see then in through this, through these moments and that is redemption and salvation outworking in their lives as they're getting beyond themselves, out of the shallows and they're beginning to forge these relationships and eventually they love each other deeply. They love each other deeply and then what happens is they then have to move to the past.

So they're heading up to the pass and Diego is not feeling so good anymore about the fact that he's made this trap and Manny's going to be served up for a buffet for the next while. So he's starting to feel not so good about this. Clip from the movie Also on the screen Clip from the movie Clip from the movie

He sacrifices himself for Manny. He sacrifices himself. And he's laying there in the snow. He's laying there in the snow and of course Sid's coming up and Sid's doing the ears and then come on, come on, let's get up, let's go, you can do this, you got this. Manny realizes he's not in a good way, so. He's probably not going to make it.

So Manny just says to him, you didn't have to do that Diego. And Diego repeats Manny's words. This, isn't this what you do when you're part of herd? Isn't this the way you love each other? Isn't this the way you care for each other? It's amazing. It's amazing story of friendships being forged in mission that go from superficial and shallow to deep and rich.

and lasting way beyond, way beyond what anyone would normally expect. So let's talk about our church. Look around. We are a weird herd. Oh yeah. We are a weird herd, and we've come from all different walks, and we've got people online, and it's like, we come from different spaces, and have different ideals, different motives, different agendas, different ideas, different baggage, but we're all around the one mission.

Following the Saviour, and securing eternal life, and we're about it together. And we're forging relationships. I watch some of the relationships that go on with you guys. And when you come into here and go to different places and I hear and every so often I see a bit on socials and that's good, man, this is unheard of when people come in and they look at us and think they go, well, how do you get a relationship like that?

How do you get that kind of authenticity and that kind of love and that kind of care? Well, it comes down to having a mission bigger than yourself. So our mission is to partner with the Holy Spirit, teach people to love God, love others, and make disciples. So you'll notice that the part of our mission, can you flick that slide?

Is actually, it doesn't start with us, it starts with the Holy Spirit. We're a Spirit led church. So that's basically what it is. We're about that. . That's our mission. Now, of course, you'll be aware that this comes out of the Great Commission, which is Matthew Chapter 28. Jesus said to them, all authority in heaven on Earth has been given to me.

Therefore, go make disciples of All Nations, means Ethnos people, groups, baptizing them and their Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey everything that I've commanded you. And surely I'm with you always. Surely I'm with you always. Now, I need to acknowledge that. That verse there won someone a free meal and a coffee.

Cause I put up some, uh, two videos about on our discipleship page. And I remember I said to you, one of them was theologically incorrect. I've been waiting for weeks and someone finally found it. Finally found it. And it's about this verse. I led into the video saying these were Jesus final words before he went to the cross.

These were his final words before he ascended back into heaven. So Shane Jackson, he got himself a feed. He got himself a feed in there. So when you look at the mission that we've got and that comes out of the Great Commission, how is that any different to Diego's and Sid's? Aren't we really about helping lost children?

lost children find their way back home to the Heavenly Father. Isn't it Exactly the same mission? And it's huge. And it'll require all of us to get involved, bring all our gifts, all our talents, everything, and bring your pain, bring your hurts, and don't worry about that. It feels a bit superficial. It's going to, at the start, has to.

These guys took time to develop this, but at the time you learn how to trust and love and care. Love and care. Love is the big thing. Jesus said these words. He said, I give you a new command. Now, when he said that, they probably thought we need a new command. Like we need a hole in the head. Like we, I, Moses gave us 10 and then it turned into 613.

Jesus is going, but yeah, but I broke them down to two for you. Remember while I was walking? Yeah. I said, yeah, no love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself. Yeah. You do those two. You take care of all those. Okay. Yeah. Well, I got another one. Do we don't really need another one yet?

Just do this one. Cause this one, this one's a royal one. This one will really help you get this right. So here it is. A new command. I give you love one another. the way that I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this, everyone will know you're my disciples. What's missing from that list of by this everyone will know your disciples?

Didn't say by your great preaching? Didn't say by singing songs and worship services? Didn't say about long intense prayer meetings, debates over theology? No. He said that by your love, the way you love one another, that's what counts. That's what makes the difference. That's what makes relationships go to a deep level, because you have to love the way that Jesus loved you.

Oh, that's a bit difficult, isn't it? How much did Jesus love you? He went to the cross. He took your sins. He died, took the punishment as yours, was rose from the dead and gives you opportunity for eternal life. He made a way for you to get back home. And he does it now with just one verse 613 down to one, way more simple, way more demanding, and there are no loopholes.

The law always had loopholes. And the Pharisees and the Sadducees explored them all the time. But this one, there's no loophole. When you have to love one another the way Jesus loved you, it takes everything. Every behavior that you want to do to hurt another human being is gone. You cannot get it. It just shuts the door.

So mission changes strangers into friends. And they pursue this mission with intensity and passion because they've got to get to this pass and the pass is about to close over. And if the pass closes over, they can't get the child to the father. Did you know that our mission has an urgency to it? Because that pass of grace and truth for all humanity is closing.

We should be pursuing this with some intensity because once that pass closes, If you've managed to find and discover a relationship with Jesus and you're in, you're in. If you've missed it, if you've got, Oh, I was too busy to follow Jesus. Or I just didn't really want to do it. Or that was just too inconvenient.

You're out. And it's a big, big out. So we've got to do this with some intensity. I first got the massive slap in the head about this in the last church where I was the associate pastor. Because we used to do a lot of stuff, you know, churches do a lot of stuff. Uh, not necessarily helpful stuff, but we do a lot of stuff.

And anyway, this guy came to me and said, Oh, I see, do you really believe that every person in the community that's around you is going to Christless eternity if they don't discover Jesus? I said, Yes, I do. He said, You don't believe that. I said, Yes, I do. I said, And Jesus believes it too. He said, No, you don't believe that.

And I said, what do you mean? He said, how much do we do as a church to actually engage with our community so that they can engage with us so that they can discover the love of Jesus? And he had me because I couldn't think of anything. And he said, and if you really believe that, if you really believe that for loved ones in your family, you'd be prepared to walk over broken glass to get there.

I went, man, this is just uncomfortable. But he was letting me know. You say all the right things, but what you do does not display this at all. And I think, probably subconsciously, it has affected the way the Junction has been involving, involving so that we don't do anything that doesn't add value to community and that doesn't put us in a place where we can engage with more lost people so that they can see us love each other and in turn love them.

And that's what we're about. That's what the mission is about. We're not going to get celebrated for our buildings. We get celebrated by who did you help that was lost, get back to the Father. And it comes, it comes, there's a price to it. Like us elders, we go and went on this journey, we learn to trust each other, learn to love each other, learn to appreciate each other's uniqueness, laugh, play together and sacrifice.

It was all part and parcel of it. But Jesus said, this is how it is. This is the way the mission works. This builds the intensity. This forces you out of the shallows to deal with your stuff so that you can become healthy and can have great friendships. In John 15, Jesus said, greater love has no one than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends.

Look at the next line. You are my friends. If you do what I command. So greater love, there's no greater love than laying down your life for your friends. Laying down your life, like he's laid down his life for us. You're my friends if you lay down your life for others. If you're not, you're not my friend.

It's uncomfortable. Jesus was very uncomfortable and very clear and he had no problem with it. Because he wanted people to understand the intensity of the mission is there. For And great friendships, genuine friendships are forged in a commitment to walk out of mission. That's where they're forged.

That's what takes them from shallow, superficial, me centered to no, there's a mission that we have to get about and we have to go on this together. The question is, what are you going to do about that? What will you do about what you've just heard? Well, I hope you would just say, you know what? I'm going to get about the mission.

I'm going to start loving God by loving people. I'm going to figure out whatever, I'm going to pick up a towel, and I'm going to help people, lost kids of God, find their way back home. I hope that you will embrace the mission. Get involved, start a village. Your village does not need to just be with people that are following Christ.

You couldn't make it a missional village. You can invite people in that are on the journey, let them come in, because how are they going to see your love for one another unless you let them in? That's what happens around here all the time. They first watch the way that we love and care for each other, particularly when things start going wrong.

which happens out here pretty much every half an hour or something like that. But that's what they see. And then you start to love on them and treat them. Why would you do that? Why would you do that? Because that's what Jesus has done for us. And we freely receive, so we need to freely give. So, The mission forces you to listen, to trust each other, forces you to care for one another, to learn how to love deeply, learn how to love deeply.

Can you imagine what would happen if the intensity towards mission was the same as these guys knowing that the past is going to close off and they need to get there and they need to make sure and we got our eyes open for every lost child to figure out how to help them get back to home. You know, I, sorry, I, I don't know.

Um, Bit naughty at times, but I'm so sick of hearing people say, I'm praying for revival. There is nowhere in the Bible that tells us to pray for a revival. There's only a couple of scriptures about spiritual renewal for Israel, because they were always in a backslidden state. Nothing to do with us. We're not told to pray for a revival.

We're told to go and make disciples empowered by the Holy Spirit. That's when it happens. And while you're in that place, which is really scary, and it's dangerous, and something, and someone might not like me. Who cares? Who cares? Doesn't matter if they don't like you, they just need to find Jesus. Just put on the gloves of love, and just hang on to them anyway.

Until they melt. That's how you discover these genuine, authentic relationships. In the weird herd. You've got to have your weird herd on mission. I mean, look at Jesus group. He starts off with a bunch of fishermen. And then he gets an all star Pharisee in there, and then after that he expands it out to include prostitutes and sinners of all sorts.

It's a weird herd! And on the journey they learnt to trust each other. Sure, there was a Judas, never made it, couldn't deal with his staff. You're always going to have one of them around. But what did Jesus do with Judas? He didn't treat him any different. Just loved him all the way until he blew out of the water.

Don't worry about it. And don't worry if it feels a bit superficial, shallow at the start. It's going to. Until you learn to trust, step into the mission. Say, what is the mission? Our mission is to reach people that are lost and help them find Jesus. How are we going to do that? That will change everything.

Everything. One more clip and then I'm done. Poor,

poor Diego. Did he make it? Didn't he make it? Well, you'll have to watch the film. You'll have to watch the film for that. But I, I watched that scene and then I think to myself, is that going to be mirrored for us? When it comes my time to step across, am I going to stand before Jesus? And is the Father going to have tears in his eyes and say, thank you so much for helping one of my lost kids?

Or, you see all these ones here? These are all the lost kids, they made their way home because you chose to do church differently. You chose to unhitch and become a genuine New Covenant community. Thank you so much. Or, am I going to stand before him, still going to heaven, but maybe see disappointment in his eyes?

Say, why didn't you get about the mission? Why did you get so caught up in you? So worried about what you and what you want, that you never got to the mission. I don't want to hear that. I don't want to see that. And um, I know the elders and that. Our prayer is that, this, that every, every person that calls our church home, When it comes your time to come across and you stand before the Father you hear these words Well done good and faithful servant good and faithful servant Genuine friendships the ones that you're longing for the ones that some of you talk to me But I don't have any friends and no one likes me.

It's you know, what? You've got to position yourself. You've got to put yourself in a place, link arms with people on a mission. Something that forces you to deal with the things in here and learn to love each other. Just find your space in the weird herd and put them together and go love on people and see everybody out there as someone that you need to help.

Just as a child, get back to the And have some intensity about it, because you know what, that pass is going to close over. So we should be working. We're a weird herd and I have a saying around here. The strangers are only friends we're yet to meet you guys online. And, and there's always room for one more in this weird herd.

But that's how you form really deep. Friendships. The ones that we actually all long for but sadly many of us never get to. Let's pray. Father help us to realize that genuine friends are forged under the pressure and the intensity and the urgency of mission. Being a part of something bigger than ourselves, being a part of your plan and your purpose.

Help us to just understand what it's going to be superficial at the start. It's going to be shallow. It's going to be awkward. Yeah. People are going to have issues because stuff's going to come up, but that doesn't matter if you will hang in there and keep the focus on the mission. Lord, we learned to love and care and appreciate and trust and sacrifice for each other.

These are the deep relation relationships and friendships that go beyond this life and into eternity. They're forged on this mission. And Lord, help us to remember that the paths of grace and truth, that path will eventually close and there'll be no more opportunity. So that should motivate us to keep mission for you at the top of the list.

Lord, we want to make sure that we do something that's going to impact the people in our city, the people in our neighborhoods, the people on our streets, that sometimes maybe we get angry with because they're behaving badly. Well, That's what sinners do. I was pretty good at myself. Lord, I just pray, help us to see people in a different light and help us to realize in this mission, I'm going to actually find the love and the friendship that I'm longing for.

And eventually I'll hear when it's my time to step across. Well done, good and faithful servant.