Boundaries are an Act of Love

TALK IT OVER

Guardrails are designed to keep vehicles from straying into dangerous or off-limit areas. They minimize damage by keeping us in the safety zone. But the highway isn’t the only place we need guardrails.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

• “The highway isn’t the only place we need guardrails . . . perhaps your greatest regrets would have been avoided if you had established personal guardrails.” Is that second statement true for you? If so, would you be willing to share that part of your story?

• Four areas where guardrails may be helpful: finances, relationships, morality, and profession. Do you have an example of establishing guardrails in any of those areas?

• Do you agree that culture doesn’t value the concept of guardrails and criticises those who attempt to live within the safety zone? Why or why not? Have you ever been criticised for setting standards or establishing boundaries?

• Read Ephesians 5:15-18. To which are you most prone, careless or careful living? In what area of your life could you benefit from establishing a guardrail?

MOVING FORWARD

Stepping away from what has the potential to harm you is stepping in the direction of the One who loves you. God isn’t trying to keep you away from something; he is drawing you toward someone—himself. In preparation for next week, spend some time thinking about where you need to establish or re-establish guardrails.

MESSAGE

Woo, good morning. Morning. Yes, my name is Taylor, but to my nephews, I'm Uncle Tay, so feel free to call me that if you need to or if you're trying to be funny. Taylor Swift heard that many a times and to my village, I'm tey. Which is my alter ego, but it doesn't matter. I'm not super important. It's what is important is what God wants me to share with you guys this morning.

Sorry. So I don't normally get up and speak, which is why you don't see me here that often. I tend to get out of it and my excuse that I normally use to get out of it with a lot of things here within our church. And it was always the holy grail of the Christian way of getting outta things. It was, I just need to pray about it.

Yeah. But now everyone knows that that is just a Christianese way of saying No, no thanks. I'm not keen, but I'll, you know, I'll just be gentle on you. And if you don't know what we're talking about, that was our previous series about taking responsibility for your life. So go back, I would encourage you to go back and have a re have a watch and listen and you'll know what I'm talking about.

So, On a serious note, though, it is always a privilege to be asked to come and share what God has wanting our congregation to, to hear about. And I hold it with high regard. I take it very seriously. And I really only share when things that I feel like are impacting my spirit and will actually speak to my spirit.

Because then, you know, it makes me feel like I'm being more authentic when I'm sharing something that really speaks to, to my heart. And I think this is a really important topic for all walks of life. Whether you're a, a follower of Jesus or you've just stumbled across this building or our online live stream, it's a really good way just to live your life.

Over these next few weeks, I would really encourage you to join us on this journey. Come along, continue watching, and your life will be changed whether you follow Jesus or not. So as the, the intro video showed, I'm sure we all know what guardrails are, but just to, I wanna give you a bit of a definition of what they are, just to give you a picture through this series.

So a guardrail is a system designed to keep vehicles from straying into dangerous or off limit areas. And I'm sure we've all seen them, but yeah, put your hand up if you've seen guardrails around you, even you teenyboppers that don't drive. Probably see them on the road. There's a few. Common areas where you see them.

You'll see them in bridges, medians, and shoulders. So you know, bridges to stop you from falling off into unpleasant territory and medians to stop you from driving into the wrong lane, or for them to stop driving into the wrong lane and shoulders, you know, sharp corners, blind corners, things like that.

You see them on the curve. And the reason we are, we're, we're talking about this is, it's such an important l life lesson to learn is to have these guardrails. And they're there for, for two reasons. They're there to direct and to protect us. They're there to direct and protect us. And when you see a guardrail, The guardrail isn't placed in the danger zone.

It's not placed over the cliff.

It's placed within the safe zone of that area, and it's not placed right on the line. It's not safe. Then danger, it's placed within the safe zone. There's a distance between where the danger zone starts and the safe zone ends, so there's always a distance there. And no one would argue that they wouldn't go, oh man, I wish we had a few extra meters.

So I can get really close to the edge of that, that cliff. You know, I, I wanna just take that corner a lot sharper. No, no, no one argues with that. They're happy that there's a few meters in between because guardrails are there to minimize the damage that could be caused if you have, unfortunately hit a guard rail.

There is damage, and we saw some in the video where it looked a bit chaotic, but the damage that that was caused was far less than what could happen if that guardrail wasn't there. You know, I'm sure if they hit guardrails, they'd be thankful that those guardrails were there. Okay, so now you're thinking, thanks Tay Tay for the Road Safety lesson.

Cool. We all know what guardrails are for what's, how is this relevant? Well, I'm not here to criticize your driving, but I have seen. How people park out there. And I'll come and have a chat with you afterwards because you know this, you shouldn't be proud of that. But roadways are not the only place that we need guardrails.

And as Kev shared earlier, if we went around the room, we would all agree that our greatest regrets, like our greatest regrets would have and could have been avoided if we'd had some guardrails in our life. Our greatest regrets would have and could have been avoided if we had some guardrails in our life.

If we had financial guardrails,

if we had moral guardrails, if we had relational guardrails, if we had professional guardrails, if we had guardrails within our family. Some of those regrets would have and could have been avoided if we had guardrails in our life.

In saying that future regrets can be avoided if you are willing and if I'm willing to put some personal guardrails in our lives, and this is a great way to live our lives. But there is a challenge with this. And we will be addressing this over the, the coming weeks, and it is that culture doesn't encourage guardrails, culture, or the world.

They don't encourage any kind of rules or any kind of firm guidelines at all. Culture is perfectly fine with painted lines suggestions. And warnings. And when I say painted lines like general cautions and suggestions, like that center line on the road, I can veer over that as much time as I like. And there's nothing stopping me.

I can park on a yellow line, you know, nothing's physically stopping me from doing that. The painted lines that we hear are gamble responsibly or drink responsibly, and in theory, that's great advice. You should do it responsibly. But what does responsible look like? Everyone's responsible is different, and everyone's lives are different.

It's more of a guideline

than it is a guard rail. It's more of a center line or a painted line than it is a guard. Rail culture also says, wait until you are ready when it comes to sex. But again, that's a guideline, not a guard rail. It's different for everyone. If you ask a boy they're born ready, I dunno why I smiled weirdly like that.

That's not in my notes. Okay, but listen to your heart is another one. What is your heart telling you? Another guideline, not a guard rail. And this is great advice. I'm not saying disregard all of that, but in our culture no one wants to be told. No. I don't really want to be told no. And I'm sure you guys don't want to be told no.

But that's why culture diss guardrails. And the thing is, you won't be applauded for your guardrails if you have them in your life, culture will dis you. And do you know what else culture does? They don't only just dis those guardrails. They will shame and mock you when you end up in the ditch. That guardrails would've prevented you from, they shame us when we end up in a ditch financially.

They shame us when we end up in a ditch morally or in our relationships or in our family, or if we work too much. They will shame us. They will mock us for getting into that position, but they will also dis the guardrails that you put when you place them in your life as well. And I wanna share a little story of a guardrail that I've learned to to set up in my life.

And it's about putting my family first.

So currently there's just two of us and a couple of cats, but they don't have feelings. So it's just me and Porsche. Well, you know, not, yeah, they don't feel neglected. Sorry. You, you can leave if you do. Good. Yeah. Good. Yeah. But there's only two of us, but that doesn't make it any less or more important, and hopefully the foundations that I put in our relationship now will pan out when and if children come along in our life.

And even though it's just my wife, it is just as important as if we had children as well. And I think putting family first can be a challenge for some, and I think especially when you run your own business, you know, it's hard to put those boundaries in play because you need to continue to make sure that there's still money coming in.

You know, you've got that responsibility. I need to make sure there's still money coming in. And I don't run my own business. I'm currently an employee. But I have put boundaries in place in my own life, in my job. I don't take appointments on the weekend. That's just a no-go, and I don't take appointments every night of the week.

And these are very common practices, nights and weekends for our industries. Very common. I've allocated one night a week to to do late appointments just for those people that can't meet me during the week. But it's still hard when they call me and ask me to meet me after hours. And I'm booked on that Thursday.

It's hard for me not to go, oh, it's right. I can do it on another Wednesday night. It's fine. I've got time, I'll do it. But I've had to learn to say, no, I can't. I can. I can see you next week cuz I'm busy. You know, I have the spare time to take those appointments. But if my spare time gets taken up by work, how will I have margin in my life to invest in my wife or invest in other relationships that are really important to me?

Or how do I have time to invest in what is actually important? And yes, it may mean that I might not be able to help some of those clients, but if I don't draw a line in the sand or put guardrails in my life, where does it end? It'll always be, that's all right. Okay. I'll quickly do it on the weekend. You know, I know it's really hard for you to meet me and, and then next week will come around.

Oh, can you do this?

Yeah. Yeah. I did it last week. It's fine. I'll do it. The next thing that know I'll be working every night and every weekend there will be financial consequences for me. There are financial consequences for me when I limit my availability, but in my life, my relationship with my wife is a priority, and when my children are around, they will be the priority as well.

I have to learn to trust God that when I put in guardrails in my life, Then God will provide in other areas and there will be seasons when work. I have to work really hard and it will be busy, but I know it's much harder to come back from going over the line than it is to not go near that line at all.

Culture tells us we need to work hard now so we can enjoy it later, which can mean work 24 7 now so you can enjoy it later. But how can you enjoy it later if you don't have that family there anymore because you never prioritize them, or you don't have a relationship with your children or your spouse because work was the priority.

You've missed out on so much time building that relationship with your family. Or what if you don't have your health and you aren't able to do all those things that you put off because you had to work hard Then, And sorry if it seems a bit harsh, but I'm passionate about this and it's because I believe it.

Like family to me is so important and I think families are missing out on relationships with their parents because they always seem to put work first and family second. And I'm here to say that your family needs and wants you more than they need that big fancy house or the fancy car or the fancy guardrails.

So fancy gadgets. Well, you do need fancy guardrails. If you opt for guardrails. If you opt for personal guardrails in your life, you may not be celebrated by those around you, but I promise you, you will have fewer regrets. This isn't a new idea. This idea of guardrails has been around for a long time. We can see it being outlined in the old covenant, so before Jesus, and it's also outlined in the new covenant.

After Jesus, and this is where I wanna walk us through today. Paul is sharing with the Ephesians. He's writing a letter and just a bit of context. When he is writing a letter, he'd just finished telling them about things they should stay away from, steer clear of things that are harmful to them. You know, just a typical list of, you know, be mindful, be careful of all this kind of stuff.

Be cautious. Then he realizes that. Sharing these ideas, they now know what to look out for. But how do they get a grip of this? How do they get a handle of making sure they don't fall into the ditch on either side when it comes to finances or morality or friendships or relationships? So Paul addresses this, and this is what he writes.

He says, be very careful then how you live.

And I mentioned this earlier, this teaching isn't just applicable for those that follow Jesus. It's applicable for everyone. It's just great advice. Be careful how you live. Like that's just great advice and it's meaning like be mindful. Look around. There are other translations of this verse that say, be very careful then how you walk.

So how you walk, look around, be mindful and just to give you a picture. Now I want you to imagine you're in a park, beautiful green, luscious grass. You don't have any shoes on cuz you left them in the car and you need to get to the other side of the park. You realize it's covered with bindy, right? Yeah.

In that moment you will know what it is to be careful where you walk. Every foot will be well placed and considered. It'll be almost like a little ballerina on ice. You will guide through that. You will be careful. You will watch every single step cuz you place one foot wrong. Whew. You'll be down and then you'll stand on more and more.

Cuz you can't stand cuz there's Bindi everywhere. But this is what Paul is trying to get across to these followers of Jesus is be careful, look around, and he doesn't stop there. He says, be very careful then how you live, not as unwise, but as wise. Using wisdom should be our decision making template. When it comes to making decisions, wisdom should be the filter for those decisions, not what is right, not what is wrong, should be wisdom.

Having wisdom is better than simply right or wrong.

And when you define wisdom, it says having or showing experience, knowledge, and good judgment. You won't always know what the right thing to do is. You may not even know what the wrong thing to do is. Or sometimes the decision is between one right thing and another right thing.

And in those moments, that's when we need to ask ourselves what would the wise thing to do be? And suddenly you will have clarity cuz you've asked the wise question. So it says, be very careful then how you live, not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity. Making the most of every opportunity.

And Paul is saying that opportunity, that's your time. Your time is a limited asset, your most valuable commodity. We don't know how long we have left. I don't know if I'm gonna be here tomorrow or next week or next year. We need to be good stewards of the time and the life that we've been given. We need to be wise and make the most of every opportunity, every time.

We've gotta make the most of it. So Paul's saying, I want you to be very, very careful with your time, and I'm sure we all wish we could go back in time and write some wrongs, redeem, get some time back that we wasted. You know, I'm sure you could go back to high school and make more wise decisions about your life or that relationship and use wisdom in those moments.

He says, you already know what happens when you're not careful with time. So don't live as unwise but wise and pay attention to how fast time flies. But why? Why is he saying this? Why do we need to make the most of every, of every opportunity? He says, because the days are evil. And that's odd, isn't it? The days are evil.

But he's talking to people 2000 years. Guys, we've gotta think about in the context. He's talking to these people many, many thousand years ago. He's saying you're living in dangerous times. You can't just walk around and not pay attention. You can't afford to not be careless. You know, it's learning to pay attention not only to what you are doing, but to what everybody else is doing as well.

Paul's point is, be careful how you live. Because you do live in a dangerous environment, which is still relevant today. We live in a broken world. There's, you know, stuff that goes on out there. So be careful how you live, because if you're not careful, you may end up someplace you don't want to be. What's something that people say to young people when they're first learning to drive?

Look, be careful and look out for the other driver. Yeah. And if you're not well, And that's Paul's point. We live in an environment that's dangerous. We live in a culture where it's not enough to just simply pay attention to what you're doing. We live in a culture where we have to pay attention to what other people are doing, what other people are asking, what other people are saying.

Let's keep going. Speak with me. There's a lot of scripture here we're going through. He says, therefore, do not be foolish. Don't approach life as a, as if it's all disconnected. Don't approach life as if your past doesn't impact your future. Don't approach life as if what happens today doesn't impact your tomorrow.

We gotta make the most of our time and wise as not unwise, and he says, therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. You know you, it's time to be honest with yourself. Acknowledge and embrace and stop deceiving yourself. Paul is saying, you know what wisdom is. You know what's going on.

You know what your past is like. You know what your tendencies are. You know what your shortcomings are. You know your weak spots. It's time to be honest with yourself. It's time to be honest with the person in the mirror. And if you're a follower of Jesus, it's time to face up to what God's will is for your life.

You know what you need to do so you don't do what you know you shouldn't do. Try and say that 10 times fast. You know what you need to do so you don't do what you know you shouldn't do. Am I right? Yeah. Crystal. Crystal. Yeah. Crystal clear. Clear is mud. You know what you need to do, so you don't do what you know you shouldn't do.

Good. We got it. You know, I'll get, I should get it. I should get wristbands. Yeah, yeah. Or up your arm, you know, when you're dancing on the line, you know, when you're flirting with disaster or maybe even flirting with disaster, you know, you've had a couple of near misses. Well, you've had a couple of close calls and Paul is going, come on, be honest with yourself.

You know you and why? Why is Paul saying this? Well, he gives an example of why he says one thing leads to another. Isn't that right? Yeah. You have one drink, then you have another, and then you have another next thing you know you're dancing on tables and you know there's wild things. No, that's none of us is it?

No, and this is what guardrails are here for. They are the one thing that keeps us from another. He's basically saying to them, let me give you an example of what I mean by how to live carefully. An example of how to walk in wisdom. He says, do not get drunk on wine. This is the illustration for them in their context, and just for context.

Wine in those days was safer than water. They didn't have fridges or the understanding of storing items. So water would sit and sit and sit and you know, stagnant water grows bacteria, and that can make you unwell or even kill you. So they would mix wine with water to make it safe. Nowadays we don't have that problem, so do not get drunk on wine, which leads to think about it.

Do not get drunk on wine. Which leads to anything come to mind? Anyone come to mind? Do you know anybody that probably wishes don't get drunk? Was the guardrail because of what it led to? Chances are there are people here in this room or even online whose lives would look completely different if they'd stayed sober, if their parents had stayed sober.

If their best friends had stayed sober, their lives would be completely different. Your life would be completely different, and that's the problem within the context of this passage. The problem is getting drunk is what it leads to. Drunk is the guardrail for them in that context of the story. But this is where we need to use wisdom in light of my past experience.

In light of my dad's past experience, in light of my mom's past experience, or in light of what's going on in my family, in light of what my current circumstances are, where does the guardrail for me need to be on this issue? And for some it might need to be sobriety, but that's where we need to ask ourselves not to be foolish, not ignore it, but we've gotta understand where we are and what impacts us.

Where does the guardrail need to be for me on this issue?

And culture will mock us. It'll laugh at us, but then it will diss us when they find out we have a drinking problem. But Paul doesn't leave it there, he, he finishes it. He says, do not get drunk on wine, which leads to a word that we probably never use anymore is debor tree, which is basically sexual indulgence as a result of a lack of self-control.

But we can change that to any kind of indulgence that Lee comes from. A lack of self-control or a loss of self-control. It points back to the value and the power of what we are talking about in this series, guardrails because guardrails safeguard us. Guardrails safeguard us from handing over control of our lives to someone or someone else.

Guardrails safeguard us from handing over control of our lives to someone or something else. Paul reminds us, do not be mastered by anything and do not be mastered by anyone. And a, and setting up guardrails is a step towards ensuring that your future, you are not mastered by anything or anyone. I am gonna finish that scripture.

Do not get drunk on wine. What leads to debauchery instead be filled with the spirit, not spirits. The we probably highlight that is AK the Spirit. When we put our faith in Jesus, the Holy Spirit comes and resides in us. And where you can start to experience the outworking of the Holy Spirit is in your conscience.

That is where it can start. Instead of giving over control of your life to anything or anyone, whether it's alcohol or being a workaholic, or finances, or greed or hobbies or people, or affairs, instead of giving control over your life to anything or anyone, I want you to submit your life to the nudging and the promptings of the Holy Spirit when we submit to the Holy Spirit.

There isn't a yelling in your ears, an audible yelling.

There isn't a little angel that sits on your shoulder, tugs on it says, oh, I don't think you should do that. That doesn't happen. It's just a gentle nudge, a gentle thought, and that's what we need to submit ourselves to. So when you start to think, oh, I'm just gonna book that extra job.

Hmm. When you say to yourself, one drink won't hurt. Hmm. When you say to yourself, $20 will be my limit at the slots. Mm. You know, ah, it's, it's only a work trip. Mm. Those are just gentle nudges and you know, you, we've gotta use wisdom and not be foolish. Cuz we know our circumstances, we know what our tendencies are.

So let's look at the entire script of that. Paul said, he said, be very careful then how you live. So how you walk. Be careful. Look around, not as unwise, but as wise. Remember, wisdom is the filter for our decisions, making the most of every opportunity of your time, making the most of your time. Because the days are evil.

We live in a broken world. It is challenging.

Nobody plans to wreck their life more than they plan to wreck their car. Nobody plans on wrecking their marriage. Nobody plans to wreck their family or wreck their career or wreck their body. But you know what else? We don't plan not to. We don't plan not to wreck those things. Guardrails is how you plan not to.

Guardrails is how you set yourself up to walk wisely and live carefully. I'm sure we've all used to saying, but I'll be careful. I'm sure we have. Yes, you will be careful because guardrails are how you be careful. When you make the decision to step away from the danger zone, it means you take a step closer to the one who loves you.

Guardrails are the one are there to direct and to protect.

They're there to direct and protect. Just wanna leave you with a couple of questions that we will be covering off in our villages and over the talke, over notes. Where do you need to start? Reflect on your own life? Where are some areas that you might need to put some guardrails up or is there things you need to face up to?

Are there some things that you need to acknowledge? Maybe I have been foolish and I haven't been wise, and I need to to talk about them. I need to share them, I need to fix them. Or where are you driving? Close to the edge? Flirting with disaster. Now I just wanna pray for us this morning and we're gonna cover off a lot of other areas over this next series of specific areas for, to put guardrails up.

But yeah, this is just an opening to get you guys thinking about your own life and where those guardrails are. Dear Lord, thank you for the amazing sacrifice your son Jesus gave for us to be forgiven of all of our sins. Father. Lord, we ask for forgiveness in the areas we have fallen short, that we don't carry that condemnation.

We hand it over to you, father Lord, I pray that over these coming weeks, you highlight the areas in our life where we need to put guardrails. I pray you highlight our weaknesses and our circumstances so that we can figure out the areas that we need guardrails, Lord. We pray for discipline as once we set these guardrails that you allow us to be disciplined in maintaining them no matter how hard it can be.

Lord, I pray you help us be wise in our decisions and we just thank you in your mighty name. Amen.