How Your Words Shape Your Life

TRANSCRIPT

Bigger? More?

I am an old guy, you know.

Okay, that'll do. So today's aim is that when you leave this place, you'll look more like that than like that. Alright. I want to tell a story and um, the names have been changed to protect the innocent. It may be based on a true story. So the grandparents Um, I'm going to pick up the kids after school. I won't tell you which school it is but it's at the top of a very high hill.

Um, so you pull in along with everybody else and then you're waiting and um, the code names for the grandchildren are Nellie the boss and Willie G. Billy the kid. Um, you won't know who I'm talking about of course. So they get in the car, it's all good at first, you know, how's the day been, what's been going on, and everything's going well until you get down the hill.

And then you get into the highway and you're going to Maccas to enjoy some time together, but before long, this isn't embarrassing to my grandchildren at all, but a discussion begins, you know what I mean by a discussion. A little bit of talk here and there, and then suddenly Billy the Kid says something which Nellyboss thinks, well, you know what, that was a bit silly, wasn't it?

And so Billy the Kid thinks, well, I can say that. You say things like that all the time. And before long, there's a little conversation going back. I call it a conversation. And they're back and forth until finally there's tears. And it wasn't the grandparents. Billy the kid says, So what? If you say something silly, it's alright.

But if I say it, then you can pick on me because I'm little? Yeah, the eyes, you know. And then, the grandparent at the front says, Well it's like this, you see. You see. You're the older sister, and he looks up to you so much that what you say really matters. That's why he's upset. Everything goes quiet for a second, and then Nellie, the boss, sort of giggles, and Willie G says, Yeah!

OK, that scenario may not have happened. It may have happened. It has to do with what we're talking about today. We're beginning to understand something that is a, a deep thought or deep truth that we don't always understand. And what am I trying to say? Well, let's begin with one of the most important catalytic relational dynamics that you've, I've been overlooked by humankind.

This, the relationship you have with others is rarely the same relationship they have with you. Okay, that's enough. I'll go now. That doesn't make sense, does it? Well, let me explain. Your relationship, if your relationship is with a lot of different people, it's rare that you have the same relationship.

Let's illustrate with parents. Your child does not have the same relationship with you, you have with your child. You see, your child has a relationship with an adult. You see, And you have a relationship with a child. You see, the difference is immediate. There's an equality there, but it's not the same.

It's obvious that as this is, we rarely consider this in our communication. When we're talking to others, whether it be at work, in our home, in our marriage, wherever we are, it's rare that we actually pick up on this dynamic, a very important dynamic. At work, with your relationships, you're an employer or an employee.

They're two different things. Um, you know, you're not in the same relationship. You may be friendly with each other, but you're not actually friends in that context. With older and younger siblings, well, it's not the same relationship. There's an inequality built into the relationship. One of them depends a bit more on the other.

And that's the way life is. So we can say it this way. We each have equal value in relationship, but we have unequal power and influence and authority. That's a dynamic we need to get a handle on because it helps us understand why we have arguments, why we can't get it sometimes. It's baked in relational reality.

It should govern how we communicate, but we can't get it specifically. It should influence the words that we choose. Your words have weight. More on that in a minute. Today we're in part two of Your Words Have Weight, and this talk is about who, look who's talking. In other words, when you're in a conversation, look at who's speaking.

Is it you? What's your relationship? What weight do you have? Is it the other person? What is their weight in relationship to you? Words carry weight. They can leave a mark, either good or bad. Words build or destroy, encourage or discourage, inspire or wound. We've all been in the receiving end of words that we wished hadn't happened.

Or maybe they were words that we just needed to hear at the time. Words like these, I'm so proud of you. Or words like this, you embarrassed me tonight. Or, I wouldn't miss it for the world. Or, you're not needed here anymore. I have a good friend, I was speaking about this message with him, and he said, you know what, I can remember, my wife's sister and her husband, they didn't know I was hearing it, but they were saying to her, he's not smart enough for you.

Before they were married. They've been married over 40 years. But those words took him years to deal with and overcome. And so that's the power of words. For some of us, just reading those words on the screen makes it personal. And we have an emotional response to it. Our lives have been shaped by words spoken to us, over us, about us, and at us.

Hopefully the words aren't all negative. This is true in our childhood, in our marriage, in our family, in our work environments. Words can inflate or deflate our confidence. I'm going to randomly choose somebody here to help me with this balloon.

Ah, there's Matthew Brown. Thank you very much. I lined him up earlier. I know something about Matt. He's really good at blowing trumpets. So I think, come on man, thank you. You'll notice, health and safety, I didn't give you the same balloon that I used, yep. So, so just see what you can do with it. Uh, warning, we're not expecting any breakages or loud noises.

Keep going, keep going. Just hold it in. Alright, listen. Every time I say something positive to you, can you just blow a bit more? Yeah. So I think you're a really great guy. I think you're a great brother too. I see the great example you are to the other kids in the youth group. I just love the way that your life just shows your love for Christ.

Fantastic. That's it. You can take your bullet and go. Ha, ha, ha. Leave. See, that's what we're talking about. Words can build up, inflate, or they can let you down. They can make life so different for you. One way or the other, you're going to come away from a relationship and the words that are spoken over you are either building you, or they're taking the very life out of you, sucking life out of you.

And so what we need to do, to some extent it determines who we see in the mirror. You know, the words that we've heard, It's who we see ourselves, we evaluate ourselves. And here's the thing, while we are quick to recognize and acknowledge how people's words affect us, we're very slow to recognize how our words affect others.

You know, the things we say to ourselves, We can understand them, we, we've taken on. But what about in a relationship if every time you've talked to someone, you actually had in mind, is this gonna blow you in the nice way, blow you up? Or is this gonna deflate you? What is it I want to leave with you after this conversation?

So it's often we're slow to recognize this quality about our own words and we need to take responsibility for how our words impact others. Which should bother all of us, but it should really bother those of us who consider ourselves as Jesus followers. We have a unique place, if you're not a believer today in Christ, Welcome, great.

You can take some truth out of this conversation today, but if you are a believer in Christ, we really have no option but to consider the words we use as building up words more than pulling down. We should take responsibility for our words. The Apostle Paul said, you know, we're one another people. We're supposed to love one another, accept one another, encourage one another, honor one another, and forgive one another.

Our words matter and we're, uh, uh, we are the most responsible than the average person for leveraging the words we use to build people up. And they should characterize who we are. People should have an idea about us because of what we speak. If you're not a follower of Jesus, you might be curious if Christians were, you knew, had been more gracious in the words with you and the people you love.

Maybe you would have had a different response to Christ by now. In this series, we unpack three dynamics that work in every conversation. Okay, the first, the three dynamics that determine what people hear regardless of what we say. So these things are at play, no matter what we think. We've all been in the receiving end of all three of these dynamics, and you should think it would be easy for us to get this right.

But we don't, we forget, we forget that we have these dynamics. And so last time Anita led us and talked about the first one, which are words are not equally weighted. Some words weigh more than others. Specifically, and we said it all together last week, negative words weigh, weigh more than positives.

Negative words weigh, weigh more than positives. And we looked at this ratio of 25 to 30 in a, in a family relationship. It takes 25 to 30 positives to inflate that balloon before you bring a negative to bring it back down. If all your children ever hear, if all the parent ever hears from the child, is, you are sucking at this.

You do it so bad. Sometimes that's a reality. But if that's all we hear, the balloon's being contracted all the time. So, there's weight. The ratio is important. We call it the proportion control. Alright, think of diets. Positive words prepare us and others for negative ones. So it's imperative that we load up, come on now, we load up on the positive so that when the time comes for the negative that has to come, we're ready for it.

That relationship will endure. So the dynamic was words are not equally weighted. Today we want to say, but the source determines the weight. Look who's talking. That's going to determine how weighty those words are. The weight of words is determined by the source of a word or the who behind the what that was said.

Now, examples. Ladies, you've gone out for a coffee and um, one of your girlfriends says, My, you look great in that dress today. And you think, Oh, that's pretty good. That's a two kilo word there. And then you go home and your daughter says, Mom, you look so great. We could be sisters. And then she just wanders off to her room.

Man, that's 20 kilo word there. And I know what some of you are thinking. Well, if the resurrection's up here, that reality's somewhere, somewhere about here. You just took away all the imagination, Pastor Len. But you know what I'm saying. It's who, Says it. That really counts. Andy Stanley, who wrote the notes for this, tells a story about his, uh, offsider or his, uh, administrative assistant NI Diane Grant, and he says she's worked with me for over 25 years, which means she either needs a standing ovation or a long vacation or both.

But anyway, our familiarity over 25 years, she knows me well, and we're able to communicate so well, and it's a great working relationship. And every once in a while when I need to go and deliver some negative information to one of the staff, she'll say, remember, your words weigh a lot. And sometimes, every once in a while, she'll say, Andy, I think it's better if I tell them, not you.

And he thinks, why should she tell me my words don't weigh as much? Now, here's the question. Why should, does she have to say, remember? She doesn't, shouldn't have to tell me, remember? I'm the expert, he says. I'm the one dishing out the facts. Dishing all this out, I've got the notes and the screens. I mean, I put this whole talk together.

Nobody needs to tell me to remember something, and I'm up here telling you to remember, right? Well, do you know what he says? Why she tells me to remember? Because I forget. Simple truth. You may have it all together up here, but are you doing it? Do you remember? Because when I see the people he says that I work with, you know who I see?

I see co workers, I see peers, I see friends, and they see the boss. See how different just that one relational change is. It's very different. We're in a relationship and it's not the same relationship. So to tease this out a little bit more, let's say it this way. The source determines weights. And then weight determines impact.

And this is real physics. Impact determines outcome. In other words, we don't need to get too confused about it. We just know that if we're starting from a strong weighty relationship, then that source is going to be very heavy in how we treat people, and the impact will be very decisive. Sigh. So think about when you get criticized.

Have you ever had a critical word on, uh, media, family media, or, what do they call it, um, Facebook, yeah? Or Faithbook? Instagrams or whatever. What do you do with that? How do you handle it? If you ask me, nobody did, but, I would say it depends totally on who said it. I've had voices come at me on the media and they've been very critical and I think, I don't know who you are and I don't care.

But if it comes from a family member or a good friend or Pastor Kev, well, Pastor Kev, yeah, Pastor Kev, they weigh a lot, those critiques. And so then you do the biblical thing and saying, blessed is the man who takes criticism. Well, after a while you feel that. So straight away, the source determines the weight.

And so those things really matter. Now I'm going to go forward. Every single one of you has the potential. Every one of you look at yourself has a potential to leverage the weight of your words in specific relationships. If you get this right, you make other people better. So, source determines weight. As unfair as this is, you know what?

A father's words often are the weightiest words in a relationship, in a family. And so what we do with this, here's the takeaway. Application. Remember who you are. and what you represent to the person on the other side of you. In any relationship where you have an advantage, positionally or relationally, you have an opportunity.

Think of it that way. Because your words carry additional weight, leverage that opportunity every chance you get. Leverage your weighty words to inspire, to encourage, to direct and protect. Okay, keep blowing people up in the right way. Middle school people, high schoolers, you have an opportunity too. You have siblings, you have parents, they need to hear your weighty words too.

Don't just feel like you've got a gripe. Feel like I've got to inspire. I've got to encourage. I've got to say, thanks. I've got to say, man, I'm so blessed to have you in my life. Look at different ways you can speak it. As we saw in the opening story, which shall remain wordless, your words weigh more than you understand.

Um, I was visiting Sydney for a camp with our church years ago. And Dot used to live in a little street and Vineyard Avenue in Smithfield. And there was a family that she grew up with nearby. And that family was, um, very close to them as they were growing up. And one time while I was at camp, I didn't have a car, but I got a call that the father of the family, the elderly father was getting close to death.

And he actually reached out and said, Could you come and visit me? So I didn't have a car, so I said to my dad, Would you mind taking me to visit? And so I went to visit that family, and as I was sitting down with Ralph, he was sitting opposite. Ralph didn't mind him being in the room. And I looked up after we were discussing a few of the concerns he had about death, and what's going to happen to his family afterwards, and faith, and all that.

And there was my dad just sitting opposite. He wasn't a believer, but there was a tear running down his eye. And I didn't say anything to him right then, but on the way home in the car, he'd said, I'm so proud of you and the things you do for other people as a pastor. That was the first time he'd ever come out and said so.

He'd always been supportive, but those words meant everything to me. And my ministry appreciation went up. I kept doing what I do. So mum and dads, remember who you are and what you represent to the person on the other side of you. Employers, remember who you are and what you represent to the person on the other side.

If you're a believer, it gets different. It goes like this. Remember who you are and And, oh, sorry, we'll go back to that in a minute. Who you are and who you represent to the person on the other side of you. We will look at that, um, scripture right now as well. The scripture that we're just reading there, let's bring it up one more time.

Do not let any unwholesome word come out of your mouths, but, but only the words that are good for building others up. According to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. So once again, think of inflation, the right kind of inflation. The bit that says you're more valuable to me today than ever before.

We've got to move right on. So in other words, we say every conversation is a construction site. What are you building? Are you building or are you tearing down? As a Christian, there's a twist. The application is remember who you are and who you represent to the person on the other side of you. Who are you?

You're, you're more than an employee, more than just a parent, more than an employer, more than a neighbor. You are a follower of Jesus. So use Jesus words. Listen to what he said about you. You know what? You're the salt of the earth. Yeah. Amen. Amen. Jesus called you that. In other words, our words should do what salt does, preserve and protect, never harm or undermine.

And then he said, you are also the light of the world. My goodness, that's confronting, isn't it? In a dark room, how much light does it take? One candle will do. Our words should be ones that bring life and light to everyone. And in case we miss the point, he doubles down and says it this way. Let your light shine before others.

We've got a great mission, haven't we? All we have to do is turn up and speak right. So easy, right? Hmm. How did we get it so wrong? Even Christians, even being a believer for a long time, I had to apologize to my wife last night because I was preparing my notes and she interrupted me. Yeah, yeah, so you see how real this gets?

If you want to know how good Mr. Bradley is, go and ask my wife, right? Reality check. Sorry, dear. I really do appreciate you. Okay, imagine. Imagine for a moment the influence on the world the church would have if we just, just got this one thing right. Not to take advantage, our conversation is not to take someone's service to us, but to come and serve like Jesus did.

Imagine if we had this posture, this attitude, as our track record for the past 50 years, or 20 years, or even 10 years. And I'm not exaggerating, this is the attitude that once changed the world. And we have a chance to be a part of that. Imagine what it could be like in our country or our nation, if we can get this right.

So, here's what we should hear. Those Christians believe some strange stuff, but they are the most encouraging people I've ever met. We should be hearing, overhearing those comments about us. Even when they say hard things, they say, you know they're for you and they're your best friend in mind. Not, I'm not sure I could ever believe what they believe, but there's no doubt that they believe what they say they believe.

And so, neighbours and friends and family members, they're listening to our heart in what we really believe, Not just the words that come out of our mouths. Paul's words were to, um, this way, he said, If our words don't reflect the love of Christ, I don't care if you have the clearest picture of God of anyone in the world.

I don't care if you can diagram the entire New Testament and you can quote it and memorize it in English and Greek. I don't care if you don't get this right. then you don't know what your words are in your community and the weight of them, then you're actually here sounding like a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.

If you're not a Christian today, no doubt the reckless and un Christ like words of some Christians have hindered your faith journey. And all I can say is, I'm sorry. We have no excuse. Please look past us to the one who speaks encouragement to your heart, to Jesus himself. Remember who you are, and what, and who you represent to the person on the other side of you.

So, let's finish up with a little bit of a, uh, summary. Source determines weight. We've been saying today, weight determines impact and impact determines the outcome. As the worship team comes just now, we're going to be moving next week into part three of this series on the weight of your words. Have you weighed your words lately?

Today is a good opportunity to do that. Would you pray with me just as we finish off? We pray, Heavenly Father, please help me remember before I hit the send button, before I start a conversation, before I get all amped up because I'm right, help me to remember, help us all remember, and wherever this lands with us, just give us the wisdom to know what to do, the courage to do it.

Father, for some of us, we just need to apologize. Just grant us the humility to start there. And Lord, would you please, please raise up a generation of Jesus followers who will get this right. The world is waiting for us because you got it right and you spoke the most amazing words over us that you love us.

You announced forgiveness ahead of time. Why can we not extend that same kind of grace and mercy to the people around us? I pray we would. In Jesus name. Amen. Bless you.